


Warm like the Sun

by Acemativity



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akechi Goro Lives, Akechi Goro Redemption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I just really adore Akechi Goro, M/M, Mutual Pining, Persona 5 Spoilers, Post-Persona 5, Rival Relationship, These boys need some love and comfort, in progress, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22331323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acemativity/pseuds/Acemativity
Summary: It's been months since all of it ended.It's been months and the phantom pains and urges don't want to leave. Kurusu Ren and Akechi Goro both escaped a seemingly-inevitable death and have both to blame and to thank for that. They SHOULD be dead, and yet even a false god couldn't cut those last threads of life.The trauma of knowing what could have happened and what they've done is too much... But perhaps this weight on Akira and Goro's shoulders can be lessened, if only for a little bit....Maybe these wounds can be sutured by another's comfort with time...
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 24





	Warm like the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Just some plain and simple hurt/comfort here, fellas!! I want to better articulate and show how fucking terribly this would have messed with all of the kids -- one of which spent years being a psychological assassin and making a career out of his own fucked up work, like.... Sh it, man. Who can comfort them and empathize best than the Phantom Thieves themselves?

Goro should be embarrassed about his panic attack, rapping on Leblanc's locked door while clutching his softest and largest jacket closer around his shoulders. It's too late for any kind of visit, especially one that'd absolutely drain them both emotionally with one look at Goro's flushed face and eyes outlined in deep pink-- and yet he's here in Akira's personal space all because he knew only one person's home address. _How foolish could I be, deleting only Akira's phone number from my phone,_ Goro thinks as he knocks a little harder this time, more occupied by regret than guilt for his intrusiveness.

By the time the door lets out a weighted click and opens slightly, Goro is already fixated on the two off-colored pebbles near the doorstep until Akira gives an odd noise. His eyes shoot up, taking in the familiarity of dark, wavy hair and grey eyes before noticing the typical just-woke-up creases under those eyes. Guilt wells up in the pit of Goro's stomach before he can open his mouth to speak; the look he makes must set off something for Akira, as he opens the door wider before nodding towards the kitchen. He doesn't make it to the stool before he can stop his eyes from tearing up.

"I can't say I expected a visit at this hour," Akira's words are even softer from sleepiness, but he recovers quickly for Goro's sake. "Especially from you.."

There is no bitterness or poison in Akira's words, but it still stings when Goro hears it. He never really tried to do much more than apologize and disappear from everyone after Shido was taken care of, did he? Another pang of guilt makes his diaphragm quiver with a sob, his small "I'm sorry" coming out more choked and hurt than he wants.

Akira reacts quickly, his palm touching the back of Goro’s arm as if to reassure with a noticeable touch, and admittedly, it grounds him. Goro feels real for a moment, even leans into the touch as he meets Akira’s eyes with his startled expression. “I didn’t mean it like th—“

“—I know you didn’t, I promise.” Goro quickly wipes his teary eyes with his untouched arm. Just this one touch makes him aware of himself again, including the ache of being tense for so long. “I didn’t come here to make you feel bad, I-I didn’t even mean to come here, but you’re the only person I’ve ever opened up to. I know I fucked that up— irreparably, yes...But you spared me, you wanted to help me even after I-I tried to—“

The noise Goro makes to stop his body from trying to cry ends up so much more painful to hear than any sob. Goro covers his face for a sense of protection, but an arm across his shoulder offers so much more.

Turning closer into Akira’s side, Goro lets himself have this sense of protection at least for a moment. Once his composure returns just barely enough, he speaks in a tone they both know and despise,“I-I’m sorry for losing myself there. It won’t happen again.”

Though he doesn’t pull away entirely, Akira tilts his head to give Goro a lightly-stern look, “Don’t use your customer service voice on me of all people, Goro.”

Goro gives a watery and half-hearted laugh into Akira's shoulder, enjoying the idea of his ‘TV star’ mask being his own version of any fast food worker's own mask. The thought of seeing it that way is incredibly relieving, as if he had no choice other than to smile and nod for the sake of the "corporation" he worked for.. If only his disgusting job had been that simple. For a moment, all he can do is wrap his own arm around Akira, the curve of his back beneath the inside of his elbow, as if the floor would give way at any moment. "I suppose you're not wrong.. But we know I had a say in a lot of things, I--I dunno.."

"If only we'd met sooner, hmm." Not quite a question, but more of a ponderous statement. Akira's words are rather muted with emotion, save for the tinge of his own pain over another "could have been" situation. Though Goro is appreciative, he still knows that nothing can be done now -- Akira couldn't have done anything. 

Speaking no longer feels like an option for Goro-- after all, simply feeling guilty for even being here threatens his usual, collected composure. Well, at least the collected personality he kept up until flashing his fury and envy like fangs after he tried to kill off the Phantom Thieves once and for all... It isn't only remorse that clouds his mind with these vivid memories, but the idea of having a different life makes it all sting harder-- the "what-ifs" he always came up with were what always worsened his feelings and this moment was no different.

_I could have had friends, real and genuine friends. I could have had Akira as a friend-- someone to talk to and hang out with.. Maybe my feelings felt could have been expressed and admitted and we could have been even more... But no. No. I fucked everything up because of my own selfish reasons-- my own stupid wish to only feel important and to spit on my father's grave for all that he's done to me and my mother. Instead, I became his accomplice and a shell of a human being with no skills and no real goal for the future.. Shido didn't have to do anything for me to destroy myself, because I was the second worst monster in Japan._

Spiraling thoughts only deepen the wounds Goro digs into, his breath turning more shallow and his pulse louder than a beating drum. He was never allowed the luxury of expressing his feelings, but Akira's silent presence brings out something in him, untwists the tangles of emotion to let his feelings flow steadily without constriction. He fears how much Akira's presence relaxes him, still -- there is too much he would do for him without even thinking. 

"I'd still have fucked it up," Goro shudders softly when his voice comes out more as a croak. He tries to turn away and loosen the arm carefully threaded around Akira's middle, but Akira holds on tighter. Instead, he is pulled square into Akira's chest with both arms around his shoulders. There is no fear to his touch, no sense of anger, despite the stiffness of his movement. Goro winds both arms around his middle in response, nose practically smashing into the other's chest to hide his stuttering breaths and gasps.  
Goro has never had this before. He's never allowed himself more than a few seconds of affection from a supposed-friend or teacher figure, only allowing these little motions of friendliness to seem normal. And yet this affection... It feels as if Akira has never had this kind of closeness either, with how he exhales so deeply and sinks into the warm weight of another body like it's all he has. The world consists of only them in this moment as they hold each other. Goro's senses seem to dull entirely, though he feels a palm near the curve of his back make the slightest of circular motions. 

Neither say anything for a while, breaths and thoughts both calming down with the pressure of a tight embrace. Akira's little breaths hint at him wanting to say something, though Goro barely notices, finding himself comforted by the smell of coffee on Akira's clothes and the faint menthol-like smell of what he could only guess is his deodorant. Whatever Akira breathes in to say dies in his throat when Goro nuzzles closer with a small wiggle, his cheek pressed where his nose had been. Akira's held-in breath startles Goro into a quiet apology, as if he did something wrong for showing affection they both secretly want to return to.

The air feels off after Goro's apology, hanging in the air crooked. Akira tries to straighten it out, his words half-muffled near Goro's shoulders when he asks, "Did you really come all the way here on your own? Do you just want to crash here for the night? You shouldn't be walking out there so late anyways.."

A deep breath is drawn in as Goro sits up on his own again, thankful for the hands still cupping his shoulders-- hesitant to let go completely, as if this touch can never happen again. As if this is all a dream they'll wake up from, unsatisfied and more hurt than before. Goro speaks in a rough voice, but he sounds much better, "If you're alright with it, I'd rather stay here... I can sleep down here, even, if that's easier."

"No-no, that's unnecessary-- come on, I'm sure you're tired after all of this," Akira's voice strengthens, willing to make a decision at this moment for Goro's sake. In that moment, Akira is Joker again: No longer a rival or his next target, but a _teammate._ A friend. The idea makes him wish to shrivel up into a ball, unable to decipher whether this crushing sensation of his insides is good or bad. Akira holding his elbow to lead him upstairs helps nothing, as he feels like his lungs just might collapse with this strong feeling.

Warmth returns to Goro's skin when he steps foot in the attic, able to breathe right again in such a small space-- claustrophobia doesn't exist in this attic, at least not with the radiator near the middle of the room and the futon in the corner topped with a salmon colored comforter. The smell of menthol and coffee wafts up here as well, lulling him into an unfamiliar, sleepy state. The air feels thick with the smells, holding its own comfortable weight. Has being tired ever been so comforting before..?

"Ah, no--" Joker speaks again, hands holding Goro's elbows to guide him away from the couch and closer to the futon. He falters a bit, Akira leaking back into his own words, "You're the guest... Plus, you don't need a sore neck alongside everything else, I'm sure."

There isn't much more than a low "...you're sure..?" before Akira responds with a curt nod. Akira is already unearthing another, albeit dusty, pillow from a box under the storage shelf when Goro tries to think of a sound argument. A small blanket is unfolded from another box, striped blue and white, when Goro decides to give in and sit down on the bed. _Akira's_ bed. 

  
There isn't much of a coffee or menthol smell coming from the blankets when Goro's shoes and jacket are set aside, but the smell is still definitively Akira's when he pulls the blanket over his shoulders and a bit against his chest. The sheets are still warm from when Akira was in bed before Goro's "visit," but guilt doesn't kick into his system -- instead, his lungs feel crushed by another invisible weight, pleasantly warm in the face and belly with this feeling. Goro decides it's overall weird and unnecessary -- but he can't quite shake this crushing, fluttering feeling. _Maybe Akira can't shake it either?  
_

His last thought ignored, Goro curls just a little more into himself with the blanket unconsciously held close to his mouth, as if pressing his flushed face against Akira's shoulder.

\---

There's an innocence to the gesture that twists Akira's own stomach into knots as he stays awake long enough to make sure Goro doesn't have another breakdown-- and then longer to watch the creases under his eyes and between his brows disappear. He watches Goro soften into the kid they both could have been, entirely unrecognizable and unfettered from the binds of trauma and pressure, if only for a few quiet hours. It takes more willpower to suppress than he's willing to admit when he finds himself wishing to brush some hair from Goro's face, maybe brush the back of a finger or the pad of a thumb across his cheek. Akira barely gets a wink of sleep, feet overhanging on the edge of his couch and his thoughts racing wild, imagining his own "what-if" scenarios-- ones just as bittersweet as Goro's own. 

Scenarios fill Akira's head as he stares at the ceiling, pleasant ones of soft smiles and shared inside jokes. They could have kept the joke going, where Akira would enter Leblanc to see Goro's hunched form straighten and flash a grin with a witty "You're home late, honey!" on his lips. He could have understood his grin more, known the shape of his mouth better than his own and known the warmth of cuddling in his bed.. He could have seen Goro's apartment, insisting it's only a sleepover with a friend to Sojiro and looking back on that with a sly grin pressed into the crook of Goro's neck. He could have spent hours with Goro alone, ignoring his phone's notifications for more kisses and fumbling hands--

\--Akira abruptly turns to his side to glower a hole into his barely-full bookshelf. 

_Goro would never have done that-- and if he did, he wouldn't now. End of "what-if" scenarios. Period._

**Author's Note:**

> I will likely add to this via chapters? Maybe I can make this into its own little series of self-indulgent drabbles... We shall see how busy school keeps me..!


End file.
